Greetings!
News from the crypt
I almost never write about politics or politicians, but I am reaching a bursting point. In Britain, hardly a day goes by that some has-been politician has an article published saying what needs to be fixed. It is, more often than not, a problem that was directly caused by them, or left to fester, while they were in power. My response to such articles usually consists of:
So why didn’t you deal with it when you had the chance?
Please go back to your crypt and stay there.
It’s the same story in education. Every so often someone who I’d assumed died years ago pops up offering words of non-wisdom.
I mean, these people are like zombies: they’re dead (politically or intellectually), but haven’t realised it yet. It’s quite sad really. They remind me of this clip from a Bob Hope movie:
Oh, and in case some idiot thinks I’m having a pop at Democrats, here’s a pop at Republicans!
Here is a real-life zombie I met at a conference once:
Political discourse
On the subject of politics, I’m old enough to remember when it was civil, and not consisting of name-calling or threats, much less actual violence. My best friend and I used to have great arguments, and more often than not we would realise, after an hour or so, that somewhere along the line we had completely switched sides. At that point we could collapse in heaps of laughter and do something sensible like go out and try to meet some girls. The point of it all was simply the enjoyment of the cut and thrust of debate.
We have a friend who has completely opposite political views to us, and we often have heated arguments comprising logic and evidence. And at the end of it we agree to differ and have a cup of tea. After all, it’s not her fault that she’s wrong.
It used to be like that in mainstream politics in Britain. I recall my politics teacher relating this exchange that took place in the House of Commons in the 1960s:
Harold Wilson: We were so poor that I had to walk to school without any shoes on.
Harold Macmillan: If Mr Wilson went to school without boots on it was only because he was too big for them.
He told us of another exchange, though I can’t recall the name of the politician involved, and it may even have bneen apocryphal:
MP: Half the front bench are idiots.
The Speaker:1 Now now, you can’t say that, you will have to retract that statement.
MP: Very well, half the front bench are not idiots.
I asked the teacher how MPs would respond to those kind of jibes and he said they would laugh, and probably say afterwards, “Ho ho, that was a good one!” and then go off for a drink together in the Commons bar.
There’s a video that demonstrates this kind of thing. Harriet Harman was answering questions on behalf of the government (Labour), and William Hague was speaking for the Opposition (Conservative). There’s a reference in the exchange to Hague wearing a baseball cap. That referred to a photo op in which Hague was pictured on a funfair ride wearing a baseball cap. Notice how each side finds the insults hugely chortleworthy:
Here are other exchanges you might find enjoyable:
The fourth Earl of Sandwich: Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox.
John Wilkes: That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
Disraeli and Gladstone didn’t like each other much. Disreali was once asked what was the difference between a misfortune and a calamity. He answered:
If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune. But if someone fished him out again, that would be a calamity.
And, of course, there was the famous exchange between Lady Astor and Winston Churchill:
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.
Anyway, I highly recommend this article from
:I hope you have enjoyed reading these musings. Over on my Write! newsletter, I look at good bad writing and what you might infer from a village noticeboard, and a couple of good music writing links:
The Speaker is basically the chair person not in the House of Commons.
Haha. Great essay. Thx for the mention. I had a huge open rate with that one.
Love the Hollywood clips. It was a time when people could be equal opportunity offenders.
LMAO— description of zombie politicians.
Meanwhile Ed Koch, mayor of NYC city from 78-89 said that if you agree with 10 of 13 of his policies to vote for him. If you agree with 13 of 13 see a psychiatrist.
Humor: always works