Letter to Rebecca #25-10

puzzles, movie magic, books, libraries, tale from the chalkboard

Did you know that Rebecca Holdenand I write a letter on Substack to each other on Wednesdays? Well, we do, and this is the latest one from me to her. Read on for a jolly good chortle and a bit of brain-stretching.

Dear Rebecca

Thank you for your letter, which was most chortlesome.

I asked you which film ends with the words “Nobody’s perfect”, and what was the context? Well, you answered the first part perfectly: Some Like It Hot. So, a mark of 50% straight away; well done! However, you didn’t answer the second half of the question, about the context. So you get 0% for that, plus I’m deducting 50% for not reading the question properly. My verdict: Must try harder.

The context was that Tony Curtis, dressed in a dress, goes through a myriad of reasons that marrying Osgood Fielding III wouldn’t be feasible. Oswald bats away every objection until, in exasperation, Tony Curtis rips off his wig and declares “I’m a man!”, to which Osgood replies, “Well, nobody’s perfect.”

I also asked you: what’s the name of the song, featured in a film, in which the singer bemoans the fact that although he loves dancing with his girlfriend, she lives on the twentieth floor of a block of flats and the lift has broken down, so he has to spend a few days in bed because of his aching feet. The song ends, before the refrain, with the words “You’ll find my corpse draped over a rail.” What’s the name of the song, who sang it, and what was the name of the film it appeared in?

I’m sure you’ll agree that that is a story to tug at one’s heartstrings. You appear to have used Google to look for anything to do with corpses, and from your veiled references I assume you came across some sort of unpleasant website. Had you inserted the word “lyrics” in your search, you would have been closer to the right answer.

The song was called Twenty Flight Rock, and was performed by Eddie Cochrane in the film The Girl Can’t Help It. The relevant lyric is the final verse of the song, which goes:

Well they sent to Chicago for repairs,

Till it’s a-fixed I’m a-using the stairs.

I hope they hurry before it’s too late:

I love my baby too much to wait.

All this climbing is a-getting me down.

You’ll find my corpse draped over a rail.

Here is the relevant clip:

As I am sure you’ll agree, the lyrics are fine examples of hyperbole.

I like the idea that the library you mentioned came up with, of telling people how much money they’ve saved by borrowing a book rather than buying it. I love libraries, but Philip Hensher, in an article¹ in the Spectator, argues that libraries deserve to fade into oblivion because they’ve lost sight of their core purpose. He says if you go into a library these days you won’t find any of the classics on the shelves — they may still be held by the library but you will have to ask for them. Instead, you will find the most recently-published books, relatively speaking. In the case of my library, you will also find screaming kids running around, students “studying” by talking and playing loud music on their phones, and a café. All in all, a great communal centre — but Hensher says you don’t need a library building to serve as a community centre. You could use the local bus shelter instead. He sounds like a curmudgeon: a man after my own heart!

Books I’m reading

Hard Rain Falling

Until an email from Penguin informed me that a proof copy of this “classic” novel was available, I had never heard of it. Nor had I heard of the author, Don Carpenter.

Proof copy of Hard Rain Falling

Disappointingly, my go-to encyclopaedic source as far as crime fiction goes, Martin Edwards’ The Life of Crime, proved to be of no help at all. I had to resort to Wikipedia to find out more. Apparently, Don Carpenter wrote numerous novels and short stories featuring people like prisoners. According to the article, and to the note in the book itself, Carpenter killed himself because of a series of debilitating illnesses. He was only in his mid-sixties.

The kind people at Penguin sent me a proof copy (pictured), which is interesting in itself. Obviously, the final version, to be published towards the end of July, will be in the form of a standard paperback.

Having received it only a few days ago, I haven’t read an awful lot of it, but so far I’m enjoying it. I started with the introduction. I don’t usually do that because although the introduction to a novel is always authoritative and informative, it is also usually full of spoilers. Happily, this introduction, written by Stuart Evers, avoids that trap quite deliberately. Evers declares to the reader:

Knowing even a little of what happens to Jack robs from its feeling of living from one moment to thre next without thought for what happens next.... Better to just take each page as it comes, like Jack, and live each one until the last.

— Stuart Evers

The book opens with a prologue, which gives the background to the main character. He appears in the book proper, which opens with the words:

There were worse things than being broke, but for the moment Jack Levitt could not think of any of them.

— Don Carpenter

Unlike many “literary” novels, this one doesn’t seem to contain any “fancy” writing. The style is plain and simple, and all the more powerful for that. I’m very much looking forward to reading the whole book.

The Many Lives of Anne Frank

The structure of this book is very interesting. The first half is called Anne Frank, and is about her life before, during and after going into hiding. Franklin quotes from the diary, and then provides contextual information. The second half is called “Anne Frank”, and is about how she and her story have been appropriated by other people. I haven’t begun reading that section yet.

The information about the Nazis’ behaviour is quite harrowing. In fact, when I began reading the book I made the mistake of reading it in bed before going to sleep. Cue the most terrifying nightmare I think I’ve ever had. So now I read it earlier in the day, and read Hard Rain Falling before turning the light out.

It’s really well-written, a page turner in fact. I’m looking forward to reading the rest of it — I’ve consumed a third in the last two days.

Puzzles for you

Three crossword clues.

First of all, two from The Times. I’ve even provided a screenshot of the relevant part of the grid.

6 ac: Metal container (3)

6 d: School term’s beginning with wet weather (5)

And here’s one from the Literary Review:

Maltese Falcon detective in suit (5)

A tale from the chalkboard

Recently, Carissa, who writes

Good Humor by CK Steefel

, said I should regale readers with tales from my schoolteaching days. Not sure that’s a great idea, but here goes…

In my first year of teaching, I said to one of my ‘A’ Level² Economics classes that they could ask me any question they liked, as we were going to make the lesson a Q & A session. I thought of this because this particular group were, for whatever reason, completely disengaged. I had a parallel group of students who were vibrant, interested and polite. This group comprised mostly students who were argumentative, uninterested and generally unpleasant. This Q & A idea was one born out of desperation on my part.

Student 1: What’s the current Bank of England interest rate?

Me: Dunno. You’ll have to look it up.

Student 2: What’s the rate of unemployment at the moment?

Me: Dunno. You’ll have to look it up.

Student 3: What’s the current rate of inflation?

Me: Dunno. You’ll have to look it up.

Student 4: This is ridiculous. You don’t know anything.

Me: What do you think I am, a walking almanac? You can look all these things up for yourself. Ask me something interesting.

Student 5: How can we solve the problem of high inflation at the same time as high unemployment?

Me: Do you honestly think that if I knew the answer to that I’d be standing here trying to teach you lot?

We all laughed — and then we had a fantastic and brilliant discussion. After that, the students were just as engaged and switched on as the ones in the parallel group.

And on that note, Becks, I shall love you and leave you. To anyone reading this missive, you can see the whole archive here. Rebecca should reply next Wednesday, so make sure you don’t miss that by subscribing to hers.

Thanks for reading!

Yours chortlingly,

Terry

1. The article is behind a paywall unfortunately.

2. A’ Level = Advanced Level. A few ‘A’ Levels at good grades re usually required for university entrance.