Letter to Rebecca #25-05

Village life

In which Terry ruminates on eggs, village life, slow driving and stationary cycling

Dear Rebecca

Thanks for your delightful letter. You wrote, “the Village Stores had been unable to get hold of large free-range eggs from the farm last week, and had had to settle for a delivery of medium ones.”

For some reason that reminds me of a conversation I had with a girlfriend who lived in deepest Devon. We were driving around on a Sunday, or rather I was driving around and gradually being driven mad by the fossil of a driver in front of me. As you probably know, many of the roads in Devon are quite narrow, so overtaking is usually impossible and often inadvisable.

Anyway, every time this person reached a junction, he would come to a complete stop, pull the handbrake up, shift into neutral, and only then would he look from right to left to see if any cars were coming. Bear in mind that this was at 6-ish on a Sunday evening when there is almost no traffic on those B-roads, and that he had been shuffling along at about 8 miles an hour for the past half hour. At one point I went over a pothole and was momentarily convinced that one of the wheels had come off and overtaken us. I think this driver must have set off the night before.

Well, during this leisurely scenic tour I had the time to notice that nothing was open. No shops, no restaurants, not even a pub. I remarked to K, “Blimey, what do people do here if they run out of milk on a Sunday evening.”

“We don’t run out of milk on a Sunday evening” was her unnecessarily withering reply.

Speaking of villages, it was lovely to see you and Mr Snaps in your natural environment last week. E has said she could enjoy the village lifestyle, but I fear if I moved into the area the house values would go down. Still, I can daydream. I would name our abode Quill Cottage, and sit around outside the pub, or in Muffins, writing. Any time someone would try to engage me in conversation I would mutter, “Sorry, can’t stop, deadline.”

People would ask, “What are you working on today, Mr Quill?”, and my response would be to place my forefinger over my lips. “Sssh. Not a word. It’s for the Ministry. Oops, I’ve already said too much.”

Since Mr Snaps declined to suggest a group picture, I created my own. It may not be entirely accurate because it was from memory.

Cartoon of Rebecca, Jim, Elaine and Terry

Well done for solving my dastardly crossword clue. Here are another two. One was from a book title (no cheating by looking it up) and the other is from the Daily Telegraph (as best I can remember it):

Two girls, one on each knee (7)

Loose American women on the waters in East Anglia? (7,7)

As a bonus, why not try your hand at this crossword from The Listener? I can’t be bothered myself because it is insultingly easy:

Crossword from The Listener

I’ve had some lovely feedback for my 60 Minute Writer course, including from your good self. Someone even expressed the wish that I had a regular slot, one each term. I do too. It was a lot of work, but good fun. It was a real privilege being with such talented writers.

On Saturday I fell off my bike. Perhaps I will relate more soon. But I am fine, if a little shaken up. If you wish to send me a huge box of chocolates, don’t let me stop you.

Well, enough persiflage from me, Becks. Remember the wise words of your erstwhile writing tutor: DO YER HOMEWERK. 😡

Love, Terry

To anyone reading this missive, you can see the whole archive here. Rebecca should reply next Wednesday, so make sure you don’t miss that by subscribing to hers.

Thanks for reading!