In this week’s experiment, Terry puts on his white suit and his dancing shoes as he gyrates to the sounds of Top Of The Flops
Greetings!
One of the things I’ve been trying out is reworking a piece of text into a completely different style. A full exposition and explanation are given here:
The aim of these experiments is to explore how different styles and approaches can affect the tone of a story.
For today’s experiment I wrote the story in the style of a disk jockey on a pop music programme.
But enough of this persiflage! Here is the original text on which these experiments or transformations are based:
The original (template) text
In the middle of the night, I woke up (if you can call being semi-conscious being awake), walked purposefully towards the door to go to the bathroom — and almost knocked myself out.
The reason was that in the twin states of entire darkness and semi-somnambulance I was facing in a different direction from the one I thought I was facing. As a result, instead of walking through the door, I tried to walk through the wall.
The next few days brought nausea and headaches. After much prevarication I went to Accident and Emergency, where I waited petrified among people for whom “social distancing” means not quite touching you, and who wore their masks as a chin-warmer.
An hour and a half later I emerged into the twilight, secure in the knowledge that I had nothing more serious than mild concussion. I failed to do much writing, but I was pleased to have read a further 17% of my book.
Top of the flops
Please note: this is a parody of an erstwhile programme on British TV called Top Of The Pops, and has been written in accordance with the UK’s rules on parody or pastiche, and Fair Dealing, and the US’s Fair Use.
Just to get you in the mood, here’s a clip of Billy Connelly on Parkinson1 reminding us that all disk jockeys sound the same, all talking the same rubbish. Ive set the video to start at the relevant part (after he comes on stage), and it only lasts for a minute. Mind you, you might want to watch the rest of it because it’s all quite funny!
Before we get started, I should just like to tell you that one of the songs listed below is a real one. Can you identify which one? If you think you can, say what you think in the comments section.
OK, enough of this persiflage. Let’s get started!
In case you’re not familiar with Top of the Pops, here is a clip of the final title sequence. It includes a DJ talking rubbish, and dancing by the then-resident dance troupe called Zoo.
Hi there! It’s the programme you’ve all been waiting for, the highlight of your week! I’m Disco Johnny, and this is…
We have a fantabulous line-up for you today, including a special guest appearance from The Undead, with their latest chart-topper, You Resurrect Me, Baby. And, as always, wonderful dancing from the Groove Goddesses. But first, let’s look at what’s in the top ten this week. 🎵
Straight in at number 10, the new release from The Insomniacs, I Can’t Sleep At Night. 🎶
Down three places from last week’s number 7, Get Outa My Way I Need The Bathroom, by H2O.
And up from last week’s number 15, a massive leap for The Wrecking Balls with their cover of Knock That Wall Down, at number 8.
At number 7, I’m Just Banging My Head, by The Headbangers. ♫♪
Coming in at Number 6, Headache Blues, by Dr Tel.
♫♪🎼🎶♬
Moving into the top 5, at the number 5 slot it’s I Need a Doctor, by The Hypochondriacs.
Top four time now, and it’s Put On Your Mask and Stay Away, by The Paranoids. ♫♪🎼🎶♬
I Can’t Wait No More by the The Triage glides in at number three.
A surprise entry at number 2, Medicine Woman by Robert Finley.
♫♪🎼🎶♬
Finally, the moment you’ve been waiting for. At number 1 this week it’s…
…
I Done Read A Book, by The Swots.
And now, disk devotees, let’s watch the gorgeous Groove Goddesses dancing to I Never Wrote Nothing (And I Don’t Care), the brand new single from The Scribes.
I hope you have enjoyed this version of the story. Comments are welcomed, as always. If you’d like to dig deeper, I often write an ‘Experiments in style extra’ post to explain how a version came about, or how I did it. That’s for paid subscribers.
If you’re new to the series, you can see the index of my experiments here: Index.
Thank you for reading!
Thanks to
for pointing out that I’d typed Billy Parkinson originally (and I’d proofread the wretched thing four times!)
Come on, people! How come ain't nobody identified the REAL song and artist out of that lot?
Put On Your Mask and Stay Away, by The Paranoids
I Never Wrote Nothing (And I Don’t Care), by The Scribes.
I Can’t Wait No More by The Triage
HILARIOUS, Terry. Just hilarious!