I loved this, especially as an exercise in style. I was thinking that one of the hyperbolic sentences may make an amusing insert into the first 'quieter' section. But not all at once, blimey! Although - it does remind me of some published authors.....
Thanks, June. "Blimey" is right! I did have a particular writer in mind when I wrote that twaddle, but an emotional attachment to my solvency prevents my naming them 😂
I love it. Sounds like it was lot of fun to write. I really enjoy writing sentences like that as well, and cannot resist putting in a few sentences like that here and there (as fun detours/semi-jokes) in my writing.
Thanks, Robert, but I can assure you it was not fun. Well, I suppose it was from the point of view that I like a challenge. I look forward to discovering similar examples in your articles!
This is brilliant! Nicely done. Something like this would be taxing to read for more than a few paragraphs, but I admit that I thoroughly enjoyed it knowing it was done intentionally. I tried to read a book a while ago (House of Names) that I should have loved but was so longwinded and overwritten I couldn't get more than a few pages into it. A little lyricism goes a long way!
Well played Terry (and nice artwork). Much as I think we know that you don't want to read anything like this, you did a cracking job at emulating a certain style.
I like this one because I like gothic literature, and it's basically the same: work backwards from what all it actually means, and entire pages boil down to "his grief gave him insomnia."
My Junior year English teacher trolled us by switching from Nathaniel Hawthorne to Ernest Hemingway. Fifteen pages of descriptions of self-flaggelation gave way to "I got shot. It hurt."
Yeah, it's not my style. I asked ChatGPT to rewrite it to be simpler and shorter. The result: Walls can keep us safe, but they can also keep us apart. One night, I woke up and needed to use the bathroom. I was still half asleep and accidentally walked into a wall instead of the door. I felt terrible for a few days and even went to the hospital, but they said I just needed rest. Luckily, I was able to read more of my book while I was there. When I left, it was morning and I felt happy.
No insult intended at all ... yours was the more complicated move. It was more of an experiment. When I see what I consider to be excessively colorful language, I often want to cut to the chase ... and I have to say ChatGPT did that pretty well. I tried it out on Bard and Bing as well with virtually identical results. And yet, this does not change my aversion to generative AI for my own reading: I really only want to read humans.
No, I just churned them out after reading your piece (with astonishing speed). I’m trying to keep my newsletter an AI free zone (though I did try a little experiment the other day that was interesting: I asked the machines to write a paragraph in the style of Substack writer Tom Pendergast. Total trash. You should try it.)
This is so interesting Terry, thank you. The overblown version made my brain hurt and if it wasn't an exercise in experiencing something new I would not have read past the first couple of sentences. However, your words and descriptions in it were wonderful. I'd love to see those used sparingly in a minimal style, they would be so powerful.
Apr 23, 2023·edited Apr 23, 2023Liked by Terry Freedman
Oh, Terry, BRAVO!!!
When I read your introduction I thought I would know how your text would read - and I was so wrong! I had been thinking along the lines of the sort of writing I used to do as a teenager, with verb clauses peppered with adverbs, strings of adjectives accompanying every noun and incomprehensible metaphors that had suffered - screaming - the unwanted attentions of a Magimix.
But no! Your latest experiment is the epitome of style, dressed up to the nines in a velvet smoking jacket and brocade slippers. And more: it has a rose in its teeth, an ironed copy of 'The Times' under its arm and the crook of a furled Fulton umbrella resting delicately on its handsome wrist.
I, too, feel strangely buoyant of mood. Terry, I thank you.
I loved this, I really did. But I was reading it in the context of its identity of one of your experiments in style, and you had tipped me off about your intention. As such I was reading it knowing that you had written it in order to really push our language to its hyperbolic extremes.
My tongue was well and truly in cheek while I was reading, but I loved it, Terry!
(If I had picked up a novel with such overblown language I'm afraid it would have followed Sharron's copy of 'The Lies of Locke Lamora' across her room! But it's your most elegant experiment in style to date, and I salute it. As I do you. 🙌)
Ah, yes, ok. What a brilliant explanation, Rebecca. I understand completely. I have a couple of books in which famous writers are parodied, and quite often I enjoy reading the parodies, but hate the style they're parodying! Thanks for kind words too :-)
Actually I've remembered - turns out I heard it rather than read it - I'm pretty sure it was on Radio 4, in the 6.30pm comedy slot a few years ago. Four different panellists each had to do their own parody of someone's writing style using - I think - a topic chosen by the audience. I wish I could remember what the subject matter had been, but the Dan Brown-ness of it was just everything! 🤣
Very clever, Terry. I hate this kind of writing! In fact I just rejected a (highly recommended) book this morning - The Lies Of Locke Lamora" because it was just so damned dense and over-written. I gave it three chapters then threw it across the room. I am not a minimalist, by any means. I LOVE language, The music of words delights me. But not thousands of unneeded words. ( Was the writer maybe getting paid by the word?) Ooops, sorry, a little rant. You got me going. Yes -- more is not necessarily better. Thank you.
I also couldn't get far into that either. There was something about the characters, too. I can't think of the word to describe it, but absolutely not my kind of thing. Even the description being "the Gentleman Bastards series" makes me go "yeah, no, not going to be my kind of thing."
Thanks, Sharron. You and I are definitely on the same page here. A few days ago J.M. Elliott (https://jmelliott.substack.com/) and I were discussing this. The way I think of it is that I hate writing that seems to shout "Hey, look at me! Aren't I clever?". I like words too, but where appropriate. I'm a simple soul, so I prefer simple writing!
Mmm... “Aurora appeared sprinkling her sweet dew.” Fuckin’ poetry man!
😂😂 Yeah, I was quite proud of that! Thanks, Ben 😎
I loved this, especially as an exercise in style. I was thinking that one of the hyperbolic sentences may make an amusing insert into the first 'quieter' section. But not all at once, blimey! Although - it does remind me of some published authors.....
Thanks, June. "Blimey" is right! I did have a particular writer in mind when I wrote that twaddle, but an emotional attachment to my solvency prevents my naming them 😂
🤣
I love it. Sounds like it was lot of fun to write. I really enjoy writing sentences like that as well, and cannot resist putting in a few sentences like that here and there (as fun detours/semi-jokes) in my writing.
Thanks, Robert, but I can assure you it was not fun. Well, I suppose it was from the point of view that I like a challenge. I look forward to discovering similar examples in your articles!
Haha, fair enough. In my articles, readability and understanding is the goal,
I tend not to do it all that much. Usually. Unless I really can't resist.
Resistance is futile when the urge takes you!
This is brilliant! Nicely done. Something like this would be taxing to read for more than a few paragraphs, but I admit that I thoroughly enjoyed it knowing it was done intentionally. I tried to read a book a while ago (House of Names) that I should have loved but was so longwinded and overwritten I couldn't get more than a few pages into it. A little lyricism goes a long way!
Another one for the Don't Bother etc list Thanks, JM 😂
Excelente!
Thanks, Mary 😎
Well played Terry (and nice artwork). Much as I think we know that you don't want to read anything like this, you did a cracking job at emulating a certain style.
My top word from that word salad: praxis.
Thanks Nathan. It was hard going. I had to lie down afterwards. Yes, I've been looking for an opportunity to use 'praxis' at least once in my life!
Achievement complete! You may rest for the remainder of the week.
(Not bad going for 8:30am Monday!)
😂😂
I like this one because I like gothic literature, and it's basically the same: work backwards from what all it actually means, and entire pages boil down to "his grief gave him insomnia."
My Junior year English teacher trolled us by switching from Nathaniel Hawthorne to Ernest Hemingway. Fifteen pages of descriptions of self-flaggelation gave way to "I got shot. It hurt."
😂 Love that part about Hemingway! I like gothic lit too (of the American variety)
Yeah, it's not my style. I asked ChatGPT to rewrite it to be simpler and shorter. The result: Walls can keep us safe, but they can also keep us apart. One night, I woke up and needed to use the bathroom. I was still half asleep and accidentally walked into a wall instead of the door. I felt terrible for a few days and even went to the hospital, but they said I just needed rest. Luckily, I was able to read more of my book while I was there. When I left, it was morning and I felt happy.
Thinking about it, what a great idea to ask ChatGPT to translate gobbledegook or overblown nonsense like this!
No insult intended at all ... yours was the more complicated move. It was more of an experiment. When I see what I consider to be excessively colorful language, I often want to cut to the chase ... and I have to say ChatGPT did that pretty well. I tried it out on Bard and Bing as well with virtually identical results. And yet, this does not change my aversion to generative AI for my own reading: I really only want to read humans.
I know, squire! I'd love to see the results of those. Are they on yr newsletter?
No, I just churned them out after reading your piece (with astonishing speed). I’m trying to keep my newsletter an AI free zone (though I did try a little experiment the other day that was interesting: I asked the machines to write a paragraph in the style of Substack writer Tom Pendergast. Total trash. You should try it.)
😂😂😂
Omg, Tom, that's pretty close to my original. So basically I have become as "good" a writer as ChatGPT. Thanks, mate. 😂
Wow, so interesting to see it translated back again, Tom - what a great idea! 🙌
Indeed!
Wow! Careful of those walls, real or metaphorical 😂😂👌
😂
This is so interesting Terry, thank you. The overblown version made my brain hurt and if it wasn't an exercise in experiencing something new I would not have read past the first couple of sentences. However, your words and descriptions in it were wonderful. I'd love to see those used sparingly in a minimal style, they would be so powerful.
Thanks, Donna. If it made your brain hurt reading it, imagine what it was like writing it! It took me about 2 hours. Less is definitely more IMO 😂
Ah, I hadn't even thought about actually writing it, ouch! Here's to minimalism.
Indeed! 😂
Oh, Terry, BRAVO!!!
When I read your introduction I thought I would know how your text would read - and I was so wrong! I had been thinking along the lines of the sort of writing I used to do as a teenager, with verb clauses peppered with adverbs, strings of adjectives accompanying every noun and incomprehensible metaphors that had suffered - screaming - the unwanted attentions of a Magimix.
But no! Your latest experiment is the epitome of style, dressed up to the nines in a velvet smoking jacket and brocade slippers. And more: it has a rose in its teeth, an ironed copy of 'The Times' under its arm and the crook of a furled Fulton umbrella resting delicately on its handsome wrist.
I, too, feel strangely buoyant of mood. Terry, I thank you.
Awesome comment 😁
Thanks, Nathan! 😊😁
Thanks, Rebecca. You write so beautifully. Your description is so right! But did you actually like it?
LOL! Thanks!
I loved this, I really did. But I was reading it in the context of its identity of one of your experiments in style, and you had tipped me off about your intention. As such I was reading it knowing that you had written it in order to really push our language to its hyperbolic extremes.
My tongue was well and truly in cheek while I was reading, but I loved it, Terry!
(If I had picked up a novel with such overblown language I'm afraid it would have followed Sharron's copy of 'The Lies of Locke Lamora' across her room! But it's your most elegant experiment in style to date, and I salute it. As I do you. 🙌)
Ah, yes, ok. What a brilliant explanation, Rebecca. I understand completely. I have a couple of books in which famous writers are parodied, and quite often I enjoy reading the parodies, but hate the style they're parodying! Thanks for kind words too :-)
I read a Dan Brown parody once, and didn't stop laughing for days afterwards!
Can you recall where you read it, Rebecca? I love parodies, when done well.
Actually I've remembered - turns out I heard it rather than read it - I'm pretty sure it was on Radio 4, in the 6.30pm comedy slot a few years ago. Four different panellists each had to do their own parody of someone's writing style using - I think - a topic chosen by the audience. I wish I could remember what the subject matter had been, but the Dan Brown-ness of it was just everything! 🤣
😁
Very clever, Terry. I hate this kind of writing! In fact I just rejected a (highly recommended) book this morning - The Lies Of Locke Lamora" because it was just so damned dense and over-written. I gave it three chapters then threw it across the room. I am not a minimalist, by any means. I LOVE language, The music of words delights me. But not thousands of unneeded words. ( Was the writer maybe getting paid by the word?) Ooops, sorry, a little rant. You got me going. Yes -- more is not necessarily better. Thank you.
I also couldn't get far into that either. There was something about the characters, too. I can't think of the word to describe it, but absolutely not my kind of thing. Even the description being "the Gentleman Bastards series" makes me go "yeah, no, not going to be my kind of thing."
That's another book for the Do Not Bother With list!
Thanks, Sharron. You and I are definitely on the same page here. A few days ago J.M. Elliott (https://jmelliott.substack.com/) and I were discussing this. The way I think of it is that I hate writing that seems to shout "Hey, look at me! Aren't I clever?". I like words too, but where appropriate. I'm a simple soul, so I prefer simple writing!
Ah! Something new under the sun! A new euphemism! Namely, "ablutionary facilities." Those two words shot this variation into orbit.
LOL 😂 Thank you, Sir! Euphemism indeed!