You see, Nathan? Had you enrolled on my course, which takes place at 6am Wednesday morning your time, you WOULD have known that. Not knowing is the price you pay for prioritising sleep and work punctuality over my amazing tutelage. I have no sympathy. 😁
Ha! A terrific specimen of New Journalism, which I'm happy to report I have been studying in my weekly writing evening class. Great work!
Your last paragraph is epic!
"Some say that his novel, A Bang on the Head, was in fact autobiographical, and based on this very episode in his life. However, Manfreed has never said whether or not this is the case, and has maintained his silence on the subject to this day."
I could hear the eerie music, in a minor key and well-placed dissonance in the background with a Rod Serling-like voice reading the text. This was great, Terry, as was/is that fantastic night-time photo. Love that.
Yerret Manfreed🤣 How long did this one take you to write? It's amazing. I skipped the original story, having read it before, and started on your new version only to think you had chosen a new story to rewrite so went back to the original. Brilliant! If only it was accompanied by the fear-based tone of voice of new journalism if it was read aloud.
This is such a great project. I don’t catch every one but I’m enjoying them, as well as having my mind blown. It’s the best example of what words can do.
Thanks, Donna. That's great to hear because that was the point of the exercise really: to see how many different ways the story could be written while still keeping true to its theme.
With the use of "you" and the fearless use of words like "mien" and "detritus", I'd guess it's Tom Wolfe. More specifically, I'd guess you wrote this after reading "The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby" and "The Birth of ‘The New Journalism’; Eyewitness Report". Perhaps others.
If I'm right, good job!
And if I'm wrong, good job, too! Because I think you've created something unique here. I don't think your use of "New Journalism style" is noticeable unless you look for it. This is a fresh, clean piece.
One small thing -- since you asked for feedback. I'd axe "...but we can piece together some of what happened both from his notes and from conversations with his friends and family." This is covered (enough) in the word "appears" in the next sentence. It is also too behind-the-curtain for New Journalism, in my opinion. Removing this phrase would make your piece tighter and leaner.
Just a suggestion though -- take it or leave it! Overall, a great piece told in an interesting way.
Thanks, Graham. I haven't yet read The Kandy-Kolored etc" in full, but you're absolutely on the right track. The main story I had in mind was Joan Didion's Dreamers of the Golden Dream.
Yes, I see what you mean about "appears" etc. Not sure I agree, but glad to have your feedback. Cheers!
I haven't read that one yet, but I do like her writing. "The White Album" is one of my favourites. I don't have connection to much of the subject matter, but the writing is great.
Hmmmm. Let's see. "dark, stifling, gaping, unremitting, sinister, gone, forlorn,mortuary, cold, relentless, mishap, ordeal, suffering, failed..." So far so good, Terry. You just need to amp up the fear-mongering times two, et voila! I suggest trying "atmospheric river, cyclone bomb, catastrophic event, heinous crime, unfathomable behavior, irreversible damage, felonious convictions." You know, stuff like that.
Very well done Terry. I didn't know that New Journalism was the technical term for this type of technique.
PS thanks for kind words!
You see, Nathan? Had you enrolled on my course, which takes place at 6am Wednesday morning your time, you WOULD have known that. Not knowing is the price you pay for prioritising sleep and work punctuality over my amazing tutelage. I have no sympathy. 😁
Haha. 🤣
Plot twist: I'm usually awake at 6 a.m., but very bleary-eyed and sadly in no state for doing courses.
I hope it's going well though. Thank you for the indirect education here. ;)
Thanks, Nathan. I think it’s going well. 🙂
Ha! A terrific specimen of New Journalism, which I'm happy to report I have been studying in my weekly writing evening class. Great work!
Your last paragraph is epic!
"Some say that his novel, A Bang on the Head, was in fact autobiographical, and based on this very episode in his life. However, Manfreed has never said whether or not this is the case, and has maintained his silence on the subject to this day."
Thanks, Rebecca! Glad you enjoyed it 😁
Nicely done. An interesting read.
Thanks, Beth 🙂
I could hear the eerie music, in a minor key and well-placed dissonance in the background with a Rod Serling-like voice reading the text. This was great, Terry, as was/is that fantastic night-time photo. Love that.
dissonance, minor key, Rod Serling! Thanks very much, Mary :-)
Yerret Manfreed🤣 How long did this one take you to write? It's amazing. I skipped the original story, having read it before, and started on your new version only to think you had chosen a new story to rewrite so went back to the original. Brilliant! If only it was accompanied by the fear-based tone of voice of new journalism if it was read aloud.
Thanks very much, Donna! It took me around 15 minutes. Yes, it definitely had a dark feel to it!
This is such a great project. I don’t catch every one but I’m enjoying them, as well as having my mind blown. It’s the best example of what words can do.
Thanks, Donna. That's great to hear because that was the point of the exercise really: to see how many different ways the story could be written while still keeping true to its theme.
With the use of "you" and the fearless use of words like "mien" and "detritus", I'd guess it's Tom Wolfe. More specifically, I'd guess you wrote this after reading "The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby" and "The Birth of ‘The New Journalism’; Eyewitness Report". Perhaps others.
If I'm right, good job!
And if I'm wrong, good job, too! Because I think you've created something unique here. I don't think your use of "New Journalism style" is noticeable unless you look for it. This is a fresh, clean piece.
One small thing -- since you asked for feedback. I'd axe "...but we can piece together some of what happened both from his notes and from conversations with his friends and family." This is covered (enough) in the word "appears" in the next sentence. It is also too behind-the-curtain for New Journalism, in my opinion. Removing this phrase would make your piece tighter and leaner.
Just a suggestion though -- take it or leave it! Overall, a great piece told in an interesting way.
Thanks, Graham. I haven't yet read The Kandy-Kolored etc" in full, but you're absolutely on the right track. The main story I had in mind was Joan Didion's Dreamers of the Golden Dream.
Yes, I see what you mean about "appears" etc. Not sure I agree, but glad to have your feedback. Cheers!
I haven't read that one yet, but I do like her writing. "The White Album" is one of my favourites. I don't have connection to much of the subject matter, but the writing is great.
I must read that. Thanks for the reminder, Graham.
Hmmmm. Let's see. "dark, stifling, gaping, unremitting, sinister, gone, forlorn,mortuary, cold, relentless, mishap, ordeal, suffering, failed..." So far so good, Terry. You just need to amp up the fear-mongering times two, et voila! I suggest trying "atmospheric river, cyclone bomb, catastrophic event, heinous crime, unfathomable behavior, irreversible damage, felonious convictions." You know, stuff like that.
LOL. Thanks, Sharron. I was trying to be SUBTLE!
👍🏻🤪
"...any particular influences?" Norman Mailer? Or possibly Tom Wolfe?
You're on the right lines! The one I had mostly in mind was Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethlehem, "Some dreamers of the golden dream"
I had to google New Journalism. Is it similar to auto fiction? I enjoyed the descriptions and backstory. Hope Manfreed is okay. 😉
It shares some similarities I think, but it's mainly to do with using techniques in nonfiction writing usually associated with story telling