Experiments in style: Advertisement version

Introducing a new kind of bed sock

Greetings!

Welcome to my ongoing (and potentially never-ending!) project, experiments in style. The Introduction below explains what it’s all about, but if you already know then just go straight to the latest version, below. Today’s version is in the form of an advertisement. Remember: in these experiments I try to keep as close to the original story as I can.

Incidentally, I am working my way through a huge list of styles to try. To read the ones I’ve done so far, go to the index.

Now, because a lot of people seem to like these experiments, I recently wrote an article about how I’m managing the project (because that’s what it is). Initially, it was open only to paying subscribers, but as a special treat, and also to show y’all what you’ve been missing, I’ve made it available to everyone. Here it is:

How I manage my experiments in style project.

Enjoy!

Introduction

One of the things I’ve been trying out is reworking a piece of text into a completely different style. A full exposition and explanation are given here:

Experimenting with styles

Here is the original text on which these experiments or transformations are based:

The original (template) text

In the middle of the night, I woke up (if you can call being semi-conscious being awake), walked purposefully towards the door to go to the bathroom — and almost knocked myself out.

The reason was that in the twin states of entire darkness and semi-somnambulance I was facing in a different direction from the one I thought I was facing. As a result, instead of walking through the door, I tried to walk through the wall.

The next few days brought nausea and headaches. After much prevarication I went to Accident and Emergency, where I waited petrified among people for whom “social distancing” means not quite touching you, and who wore their masks as a chin-warmer.

An hour and a half later I emerged into the twilight, secure in the knowledge that I had nothing more serious than mild concussion. I failed to do much writing, but I was pleased to have read a further 17% of my book.

Advertisement version

Do you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom? Do you ever walk in the wrong direction because it’s dark, and you’re only half awake? Have you ever found yourself banging into the wall instead of walking through the door as a result?

I was the same, until I discovered EasyLites. EasyLites are bed socks that automatically glow as soon as you get out of bed and put your feet on the floor. Worried about waking others up? Easylites only cast a subdued light that has been proven by scientists¹ to be below the luminosity threshold required to wake someone up.

Easylites: no more headaches or nausea from walking into a wall. No more trips to the hospital, where you’re at risk from people not socially distancing or wearing face masks. No more being diagnosed with mild concussion.

Easylites let you go to the bathroom safely. No more days of not writing, or only reading 17% of a book.

Easylites. You know it makes sense. In all good clothing shops now.

1. According to independent research with a group of two people and three cats.