Substack badges? What a rotten idea!

What they are, and why I don't like them

Substack is a great company in so many ways. I’ve used four other newsletter mailing list providers, and none of them go to the extremes that Substack does in terms of helping publishers find new subscribers, and readers find new newsletters.

But not all of their ideas are brilliant, and their latest wheeze falls into the “why on earth…?” category. That idea is badges that you can have displayed on your newsletter website. Substack writes:

The badges come in three colors:

• Purple: tens of thousands of paid subscribers

• Orange: thousands of paid subscribers

• White: hundreds of paid subscribers. 

Here are my objections.

What’s the point?

Substack already displays descriptions like “thousands of paid subscribers”. Why are badges needed to tell people the same thing? OK, they look pretty, but even so. Badges seems to me like a solution in search of a problem.

It’s obnoxious

Maybe it’s because I’m British, or an introvert, but I don’t even like the current set-up, of telling people that a publication has thousands of paid subscribers. Or maybe it’s because I’m a freelance writer and I don’t see why anyone else needs to know whether or not I’m raking in thousands of pounds a year. I can see that it’s a form of social proof, but I have this insane concept of people subscribing to a newsletter because it looks interesting to them, not because loads of other people are prepared to pay for it.

Still, I know that particular stance will cut no ice with many people, so I’ll shelve it. But in terms of obnoxiousness potential, badges seems to me to be on a different level. I can imagine my Substack inbox or my Twitter feed being flooded by messages stating how humble someone is to have a purple badge, with a screenshot to prove it.

Could it be gamed?

I’m tempted to try the wheeze I’m about to describe, but as the protagonist of Portnoy’s Complaint says (albeit in a rather different context):

I have desires which are repugnant to my conscience,

And a conscience which is repugnant to my desires.

Anyway, here it is. I have other newsletters, not in Substack, and over the years they have attracted thousands of subscribers. What is to stop me offering all of them a lifetime premium subscription to my Substack newsletter and importing them all ? I’d instantly gain at least a white badge, maybe even an orange badge. Hopefully, Substack’s programming will prevent people doing that. I certainly hope so, because if they don’t the badges won’t mean anything.

It’s not dissimilar to the way in which some authors have managed to get Amazon ‘bestseller’ status. I don’t know if this still works — perhaps Amazon has fixed it — but the basic steps are (or were) as follows:

1. Self-publish a book on, say, daffodils, or whatever your chosen subject is.

2. Put it into a completely inappropriate category, such as, in this case, Cardiovascular Medicine.

3. Get a friend or two to buy it, having priced it at the lowest price you can, which is £0.99 or $0.99.

4. Because the sales will be higher than any other book on daffodils in that category (because there are no other books on daffodils there), a “Bestseller” badge will appear on the book’s page.

5. Take a screenshot of the “Bestseller” badge.

6. Put the screenshot on your website.

7. Mention in every one of your communications that you’re an Amazon Bestseller.

The fact that the badge will likely disappear after five minutes is neither here nor there. The deed has been done. Think I’m making this up? There are countless articles about this, such as Here's How People Fake Being Best-Selling Authors.

Concluding remarks

Substack, in my humble opinion, you’ve slipped up big time with this idea. Dump it — please.