Experiments in Style: three this time as an Easter bonus!
Experiments in Style: three this time as an Easter bonus!
Choose your own adventure, Court procedural and Line of Duty
Greetings!
Welcome to my ongoing (and potentially never-ending!) project, experiments in style. The Introduction below explains what it’s all about, but if you already know then just jump straight into the first of this week’s “triple feature” by going to “Choose your own adventure”, below.
Enjoy!
Introduction
One of the things I’ve been trying out is reworking a piece of text into a completely different style. A full exposition and explanation are given here:
Here is the original text on which these experiments or transformations are based:
The original (template) text
In the middle of the night, I woke up (if you can call being semi-conscious being awake), walked purposefully towards the door to go to the bathroom — and almost knocked myself out.
The reason was that in the twin states of entire darkness and semi-somnambulance I was facing in a different direction from the one I thought I was facing. As a result, instead of walking through the door, I tried to walk through the wall.
The next few days brought nausea and headaches. After much prevarication I went to Accident and Emergency, where I waited petrified among people for whom “social distancing” means not quite touching you, and who wore their masks as a chin-warmer.
An hour and a half later I emerged into the twilight, secure in the knowledge that I had nothing more serious than mild concussion. I failed to do much writing, but I was pleased to have read a further 17% of my book.
Choose your own adventure
You’re asleep in a pitch black room, when you suddenly wake up and need to go to the bathroom.
1. Do You:
a. Switch the light on (Go to 6)
b. Decide to walk in the dark (Go to 2)
2. You nearly knock yourself out. Do you
a. Take an aspirin and after a while feel better (Go to 6)
b. Do nothing (Go to 3)
3. You start to feel nauseous and headachey. Do you
a. Rest for a few days (Go to 6)
b. Go to A & E
4. You go to A & E. Do they:
a. Tell you to rest for a few days (Go to 3a)
b. Tell you that you have mild concussion and to take an aspirin (Go to 2a)
c. Keep you in for observation (Go to 4b)
5. Do you
a. Go home and take it easy for a few days and recover? (Go to 6)
b. Go home and get worse (Go to 3b)
6. Congratulations! There is nothing wrong with you and you have even managed to read 17% of your book. Well done!
Commentary
How does turning the story into a choose-your-own-adventure game change the feel of it?
A bang on the head as a court procedural
Clerk: You are charged with wasting NHS time. How do you plead?
Terry: Not guilty, Your Honour.
Prosecution: According to the statement you gave to the police, you waited several days after you allegedly banged your head before you went to the hospital. Is that correct?
Terry: It is.
Prosecution: According to the doctor’s statement – Exhibit A, m’lud – an examination found that there was nothing wrong with you.
Terry: No, that isn’t –
Judge: The defendant will remain silent.
Terry: But –
Judge: Any further interruptions by the defendant will lead to your being charged with contempt. Do you understand?
Terry: Yes, Your Honour.
Prosecution: As I was saying, the doctor’s statement found there was nothing wrong with you that a few days’ rest wouldn’t alleviate. How did you get to the hospital.
Terry: I walked.
Prosecution: Yet according to your statement you felt nauseous and had a headache.
Terry: That’s correct.
Prosecution: I put it to you that had you really felt ill you would have hired a taxi. I further put it to you that these headaches were a figment of your somewhat vivid imagination. You went to the hospital primarily to read your book in a warm place, did you not?
Defence: Objection. Leading question.
Judge: Sustained.
Prosecution: My apologies, m’lud.
Prosecution: Would you say that you have a good imagination?
Terry: Well, yes, but I don’t see –
Prosecution: Do you sometimes have difficulty in distinguishing between fantasy and reality?
Terry: No, of course not. I –
Prosecution: May it please you, Your Lordship, please look at Exhibit B. This is a series of variations of a story that is purported to be true. Yet all of them are so different that it is highly unlikely that any of them are true. I put it to the court that these so-called headaches were a figment of the defendant’s imagination, and that his version of events is merely another variation of a story concocted purely for the benefit of subscribers to his so-called newsletter. I rest my case.
Judge: I think that’s a good place to stop for today. We’ll hear from the defence at 10 am tomorrow. Court is adjourned till then.
Clerk: All rise.
Commentary
Well, what do you think? Have I been watching too many courtroom dramas on television? More importantly, how does turning the story into a courtroom scenario — in effect a play — change how it affects the reader? Does it create more suspense, for example?
Line of Duty
In case you’re not aware, Line of Duty was1 a British fictional crime series about corruption in the police force. Two of its features are the constant use of initials, such as OCG for organised crime group and GSW for gunshot wound, and the increasingly involved and bizarre exclamations by a character called Ted Hastings.
Around zero three hundred hours, I woke up (if you can call being semi-conscious being awake), walked purposefully towards the door to go to the bathroom — and almost knocked myself out. “Sweet Jesus, Joseph, Mary, the wee donkey and the fella who runs the manger.”, I muttered. “Still at least it was self-inflicted, not an attack by the OCG2, so I don’t need to get CID3 involved.”
The reason was that in the twin states of entire darkness and semi-somnambulance I was facing in a different direction from the one I thought I was facing. As a result, instead of walking through the door, I tried to walk through the wall.
“I’ll give you walking through a wall”, I shouted at myself.
The next few days brought nausea and headaches. After much prevarication I went to A and E4, where I waited petrified among people for whom “social distancing” means not quite touching you, and who wore their masks as a chin-warmer.
The SRN5 gave me an EEG6 and an ECG7 for good measure, and checked my HR8 and BP9. “You have mild concussion,” she said, “but at least it’s not as bad as a GSW.10”
“That was a lucky escape, son”, I said to myself as I caught the LRT11 bus followed by the TfL12 train and then the DLR13 train back to HQ14.
Commentary
I think the issue here is not so much whether this account is entirely accurate (it isn’t15), but whether or not I've managed to capture the feel of Line of Duty.
Concluding notes
I’d love to hear what you think of these very different versions of the same story. Please leave a comment below.
If you would like to explore the other versions, then head on over to the index:
Do share this post with all your friends and non-friends!
If you really like this post, and this series, then why not support me by taking out a subscription. It costs just $5 a month, or $45 a year, which is less than one might spend in cafés. Speaking of which, you could always buy me a cup of tea instead. ‘Sup to you.
I say “was” but there is probably another series on the way because we’re still not clear on who the mysterious “H” is.
Organised Crime Group
Criminal Investigation Department
Accident and Emergency
State Registered Nurse
Electroencephalogram (measures brain activity)
Electrocardiogram (measures heart activity)
Heart rate (ie pulse)
Blood pressure
Gunshot wound
London Regional Transport
Transport for London
Docklands Light Rail
Headquarters
Because I’m not sure if the nurse was an SRN, and she didn’t give me an EEG or ECG, and didn’t measure my heart rate or blood pressure. Also, I walked home, and even if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have gone on the DLR because the nearest station is miles from where I live. But apart from those small differences the account is true!
It's amazing Terry how many ways you have transformed this text into something different. I thought it was getting a little old in your earlier posts but this time it was fun!
I do not turn on a light when I get up in the night. There is a light outside my window close by, so it shines a lot of light into my bedroom. It's not like it is daytime but I can see everything clearly.
Loved the court procedural.
Terry, you are going to turn this whole project into a book, aren't you? Please say yes!
Loved everything about this post. The 'Choose your own adventure' was really great - I was surprised and delighted at how rapidly I got to reading 17% of my book. I never turn the light on when I get up in the night - I used to have excellent night vision, and although I maybe still do, I put my not-putting-the-lights-on these days down to sheer bloody-mindedness instead.
The court procedural experiment was great fun!
Still laughing at the 'sweet baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey' quote from Line of Duty - your piece absolutely dived in and swam around in the whole Line of Duty-ness of Line of Duty - really clever! I loved that programme but the first four series were gold compared with the ageing tarnished brass of the latter two.