Experiments in Style: Soul

It coulda bin funky

One of the things I’ve been trying out is reworking a piece of text into a completely different style. A full exposition and explanation are given here:

Experimenting with styles

In today’s experiment I’d like to tell the story in the style of a soul song. First, though, here is the original text on which these experiments or transformations are based:

The original (template) text

In the middle of the night, I woke up (if you can call being semi-conscious being awake), walked purposefully towards the door to go to the bathroom — and almost knocked myself out.

The reason was that in the twin states of entire darkness and semi-somnambulance I was facing in a different direction from the one I thought I was facing. As a result, instead of walking through the door, I tried to walk through the wall.

The next few days brought nausea and headaches. After much prevarication I went to Accident and Emergency, where I waited petrified among people for whom “social distancing” means not quite touching you, and who wore their masks as a chin-warmer.

An hour and a half later I emerged into the twilight, secure in the knowledge that I had nothing more serious than mild concussion. I failed to do much writing, but I was pleased to have read a further 17% of my book.

Soul version

This version has been greatly influenced by James Brown, Solomon Burke, Al Green, Wilson Pickett, Edwin Starr and others. I’ve always enjoyed the interjections, the call to “hear me” and so on, which I suspect are much more spontaneous than they appear here! As for the word “funky”, I’ll have more to say about that later. Here goes, let me know what you think.

A bang on the head

(It coulda bin funky)

You know how sometimes you do something you don’t wanna do but you do it anyhow? And maybe the outcome ain’t what you want but you gotta live with it? Well let me tell you something. That happened to me, so I found out the hard way what it’s like.

Aaaaaaaaaarggggghhhhh! Hear me now.

In the middle of the night

I woke up, though I was half asleep

It was my intention

To the bathroom to creep

Listen, y’all

I tried to head

Straight for the door

But I hit my head

On the bedroom wall

It coulda bin funky

What you say?

It coulda bin funky

I got a headache

And I didn’t feel good

I didn’t see no doctor

Like I knew I should

My woman told me

Don’t be no fool

Get your head examined

That’s my only rule

It coulda bin funky

What you say?

It coulda bin funky

C’mon y’all gotta say it one time with me:

It coulda bin funky

Say it again, say it again

It coulda bin funky

Aaaaaaaaaarggggghhhhh!

Wait a minute

I went down to the A & E

Weren’t no-one wearing a mask

Far as I could see

I was scared and frightened

I couldn’t wait to leave

Aaaaaaaaaarggggghhhhh!

Good God y’all

Huh

C’mon tell me about it

It coulda bin funky

C’mon y’all say it for me one more time:

It coulda bin funky

Listen

Well the medicine woman

Said I was gonna be alright

But I should take it easy

And next time turn on the light

I didn’t do no writing

But I read my book

I was outta there like lightning

Didn’t take no second look

Aaaaaaaaaarggggghhhhh!

It coulda bin funky

Good God

It coulda bin funky

Wait a minute

It coulda bin funky

Aaaaaaaaaarggggghhhhh!

Say it again

It coulda bin funky

Aaaaaaaaaarggggghhhhh!

What’s with this “funky”?

The word seems to have several different meanings — the OED lists twelve! In Steely Dan’s, FM: No Static At All, it refers to a certain kind of music which no doubt meets this criterion (from the OED): Originally U.S. slang. Of music of African American origin (esp. jazz): down-to-earth, authentic; bluesy, soulful. The relevant lyric is: “Give her some funked up muzak, she treats you nice”¹.

James Brown, in his seminal philosophical work It’s Too Funky in Here, is referring to another definition — again from the OED: having a strong or offensive smell; esp. (a) smelling of sweat or other bodily excretions; musky, pungent, rank.

Sylvester sings Do You Wanna Funk, one of the lyrics (actually pretty much the only lyric) being: do you wanna funk with me? I have no idea what he means.

In this soul version of A Bang On the Head I’m using it in the sense offered by yet another OED definition: in extended use: stylish or fashionable, esp. in an unconventional, alternative, or quirky way; cool, ‘hip’. Also as a more general term of approbation: excellent, great.

I was thinking of the fact that, had I not banged my head I would have enjoyed a much better few days than I did. Hence it (my life) could have been excellent during that time.

So, what do you think?

1. When I played this to my sister she misheard the word “funked”. “Charming”, she said.