Experiments in style: 'A Bang on the head' in the style of a guide book
Fun for all the family!
One of the things I’ve been trying out is reworking a piece of text into a completely different style. A full exposition and explanation are given here:
In today’s experiment I’d like to tell the story in the style of a stately home guidebook. First, though, here is the original text on which these experiments or transformations are based:
The original (template) text
In the middle of the night, I woke up (if you can call being semi-conscious being awake), walked purposefully towards the door to go to the bathroom — and almost knocked myself out.
The reason was that in the twin states of entire darkness and semi-somnambulance I was facing in a different direction from the one I thought I was facing. As a result, instead of walking through the door, I tried to walk through the wall.
The next few days brought nausea and headaches. After much prevarication I went to Accident and Emergency, where I waited petrified among people for whom “social distancing” means not quite touching you, and who wore their masks as a chin-warmer.
An hour and a half later I emerged into the twilight, secure in the knowledge that I had nothing more serious than mild concussion. I failed to do much writing, but I was pleased to have read a further 17% of my book.
WELCOME TO FREEDMAN TOWERS!
FREEDMAN TOWERS was built in the reign of King Edward VII. The moat was added later, while George V was on the throne. It was purely ornamental, as were the dungeons, which were later converted to a centre for wildlife studies.
During World War 2 the British Army used the house as a command centre. Lord and Lady Freedman are the current custodians of this important architectural treasure, but they occupy only the west wing.
The house became famous during the Covid 19 era, when Lord Freedman was obliged to pay a visit to the local hospital. The full details of this episode have never been disclosed, but it is rumoured that Lord Freedman banged his head in the middle of the night on his way to the bathroom. He was said to have been shocked at the cavalier way in which the social distancing and mask-wearing rules were flouted at the hospital. As a result, although he had read some of the book he had taken with him, on his return Lord Freedman devoted his energies to the task of educating young people about the importance of disease control.
He recently retired from this role to write his memoirs, entitled "Writer’s block? what's that?". Why not buy your copy in the gift shop?
And don't forget to buy your very own automated headache tablet dispenser!
We hope you enjoy your visit to Freedman Towers. We've developed a quiz for the kids to complete as you wander around.
And if you manage to not get lost in the maze, why not have a bite to eat in the restaurant, where we have a child-friendly menu?
Please visit again soon!
Over to you
I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s version.
For more experiments, please see the index.
You nailed it, Terry. This was perfect. I think you have missed your calling here. You are a natural guide book writer. I especially liked the "automated headache tablet dispenser!" Man! I need one of those, and always set on "Jeeez". I loved the fission chips, too.
Towers of toast with dungeon crevice’s and butter cream creeks along moats pathways filled in, but the wild animals have found the way to gather dewberries as your guide shows the way to page through pictures silently. My breakfast is hours away. But I have woken to see amazement in your experiment in style.