Once again our friend Terry (Eclecticism: Reflections on literature and life), has submitted a corker of an essay which gleefully plays with disobeying Law 2 of The Code (which prohibits ‘listicles’) by providing this list-heavy gem.
But rather than being a product of the lazy online journalistic trope of churning out a list to merely meet yet another deadline, this piece riffs on and plays with the whole idea of classification itself while referencing great novelists such as Borges and Perec.
Law 2 is trampled underfoot by Law 10 which states that all rules can be broken as long as this is done so in an artful fashion. And that is certainly the case with today’s work.
Enjoy.
The following classification was discovered in Permissible Essays for Periodicals for Learned and Unlearned People, with special consideration for diverse subjects pertaining to the Realm and Beyond, by Anon.
Articles that are self-contained.
Articles that reference articles previously published.
Articles that reference articles not yet published.
Articles that reference articles that will never be written.
Articles that concern dinosaurs and the color red.
Articles that are likely to go viral.
Articles that will not be read by more than three people.
Articles that will cause the writer to be sued for libel.
Articles that will get the writer lauded.
Articles that will get the author cancelled.
Articles that should have been written a long time ago.
Articles that should not have been written at all.
Articles that are to be found in this list.
Articles that are not listed here.
Articles that classify things into lists.
Articles that have been written in code.
Articles that have been written in the form of prose poems.
Articles that are derivative.
Articles that have been written by plagiarism.
Articles that have been written by artificial intelligence.
Articles that can only be sung.
Articles written in a made-up language.
Articles written without words.
Articles about articles.
Articles written with an HB pencil.
As you may have surmised, this list was not discovered in a book – I just made it up. The idea was based on Borges’ classification of types of animals1. That includes such gems as:
those that are included in this classification
those that tremble as if they were mad
Georges Perec, the member of the Oulipo famed for writing a whole novel, A Void, without using the letter ‘E’ seemed to like this idea, and wrote2:
an almost equally mind-boggling enumeration might be extracted simply enough from government documents that could hardly be more official:
(a) animals on which bets are laid
(b) animals the hunting of which is banned between 1 April and 15 September
(c) stranded whales
(d) animals whose entry within national frontiers is subject to quarantine
(e) animals held in joint ownership
(f) stuffed animals
Thomas V. Pernega placed Borges’ categorisation alongside a classification of patient safety events. Part of it reads as follows3:
So what is going on here? I mean, what is the point of all this? It seems to me that what Borges was doing was poking fun at the kinds of classifications you find in various official decrees, and Perec was clearly carrying on with the joke, as possibly was Pernega.
I wrote a classification of articles, but I think if I wanted to I could take government decrees on education, or a random school’s policy documents or any contract and discover similar absurdities.
Take my #14: Articles that are not included in this list. This obviously would include every article in the world, which kind of makes the list pointless. You could replace it with “Anything you like”. But I’ve been presented with contracts by magazine publishers that contain similar clauses. For example, one stated that by submitting the article I granted the magazine’s publisher the right to use the article again anywhere in the universe and with no time limit. As I commented to the Society of Authors when I sent them the contract for their perusal, they forgot to include alternate realities.
Does my list have any practical applications?
Yes. Each one of my categories would work as a writing prompt for a new article, or a short story. It also should reassure those who think that AI has the edge. I asked ChatGPT to come up with a list based on the prompt:
Write a list of 20 kinds of articles that might be found in a book called Permissible Essays for Periodicals for Learned and Unlearned People, with special consideration for diverse subjects pertaining to the Realm and Beyond, by Anon. This is what it produced:
"Exploring the Multiverse: A Journey into Parallel Realities"
"Ancient Civilizations and their Mysteries: Unraveling the Secrets of Lost Cultures"
"Astrobiology: The Search for Extraterrestrial Life"
"Quantum Physics: Unlocking the Secrets of the Subatomic Realm"
"The Power of Dreams: Unveiling the Mysteries of the Unconscious Mind"
"Cryptocurrency and Blockchain: Revolutionizing the Future of Finance"
"Climate Change and its Global Implications: A Call for Action"
"Artificial Intelligence: Shaping the Future of Technology and Society"
"The Science of Happiness: Exploring the Key Factors for a Fulfilling Life"
"Medieval Legends and Folklore: Tales of Knights, Dragons, and Magic"
"Ethical Dilemmas in the Digital Age: Navigating the Ethical Landscape of Technology"
"Mindfulness and Mental Health: Cultivating Well-Being in a Hectic World"
"The Role of Women in History: Celebrating the Contributions of Unsung Heroes"
"Sustainability and Eco-Friendly Practices: Paving the Way to a Greener Future"
"Ancient Philosophy: Lessons for Modern Living"
"Space Exploration: Challenges and Opportunities for Humanity"
"Cultural Diversity and Identity: Embracing Differences in a Globalized World"
"The Power of Music: Exploring its Therapeutic and Transformative Effects"
"The Art of Storytelling: Examining the Influence of Narratives in Society"
"Exploring Quantum Consciousness: Bridging Science and Spirituality"
All interesting topics no doubt, but quite clearly ChatGPT didn’t “get it”.
To misquote Mark Twain, rumours of the death of the writer have been exaggerated.
In the essay The Analytical Language of John Wilkins.
Classification of Terry’s talents:
1. Wry wit
2. Creative flexibility
3. Profound insight
4. Prolific production ability
5. Artistic ineptitude 😉
This one is a banger Terry! So funny!
Thanks for kind comments, Tom. I was worried that you might not like my subverting the Code. Glad you found it artful 😃